<kolby> you know those bathrooms at football stadiums where like a bunch of guys just stand next to each other and piss in em?
<kolby> they had a smaller version of that in this restaraunt and I looked up while I was taking a piss and there was a mirror
<kolby> I started messing with my hair and I pissed all over myself and everyone behind me had this horrified look
<Scofco> hahaha, so you were pissing in the fucking sink?
<kolby> huh?
<kolby> …fuck

<Skye_Alpha> Warning: This has caused an illegal operation and will shut down. This happened because you were about to save your work, and we can’t have that.

<Eku{MY}> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

<@freshmint> How do you get a goth out of a tree?
<@freshmint> Cut the rope.

<LeoGeo2> i’m gonna make my whole web-site outta HTML!

(bi0_away) PO Box 903
(bi0_away) Volcano
(bi0_away) HI,96785
(bi0_away) US
(bi0_away) HI
(bi0_away) lol
(bi0_away) a city called Hi
(bi0_away) "hi, welcome to hi"
(FenixTxD) Its hawaii
(FenixTxD) idiot.

<ZS> Ouranophobia- Fear of heaven.
<Kevyn> What’s scary about heaven?
<Phantomlord> dude, christians hang out there.

<pairo> you know you’re doomed when you have to whois your domain registrar ID to find out your own phone number

<CheeseBro> what is another phrase for black and white?
<ksennin> #000000 and #FFFFFF

<Cotton Mouth> How do you describe the color blue to someone who is blind and has never seen a color before?
<NickBlasta> 0 0 255

* twigvoy (voy@1Cust26.tnt1.weslaco.tx.da.uu.net) Quit (Quit: )
* LlNK is now known as HidingFromVoy
<hidingfromvoy> shhhh
*twigvoy (voy@1Cust26.tnt1.weslaco.tx.da.uu.net) joined #fux0r
<twigvoy> where’d llnk go?
<hidingfromvoy> teehee

<Spektor> A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to ‘write’ with it.
<Spektor> Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that’s great, just great… some asshole’s got my pen."
<MikeYb0y> Not another life story Spektor!

<rob`> where does an irish family go for vacation?
<rob`> to a different bar

<halo@home> i LOVE childrens books
<halo@home> http://images.amazon.com/images/P/091629188X.01.LZZZZZZZ.gif
<Ronak> i never saw breasts that looked like peppermints before…
<halo@home> WTF are they trying to teach kids?!!!
<Para@Work> "Bobby and his brother play ‘differently’" by Genichiro Yagyu
<halo@home> "The Benefits Of Being A Boy-Scout Den Leader" by Genichiro Yagyu
<Ronak> ‘Take candy from strangers’ by Genichiro Yagyu
<halo@home> "It only hurts the first 3 times" by Genichiro Yagyu
<Ronak> ’slamming the ham’ by Genichiro Yagyu
<chawk> "That’s not milk" by Genichiro Yagyu
<Ronak> ‘Playing hide the salami, for beginners’ by Genichiro Yagyu
<Para@Work> "THE PHYSICS OF QUANTUM-SPACE TIME CONTINUUM WITH APPLICATIONS TO BLACK HOLES AND OTHER SPACIAL ANOMOLIES" by Genichiro Yagyu
<Ronak> ‘wiping your ass for beginners’ by Genichiro Yagyu
<Chro> "Splash Splash Rub a Dub Dub. SUPRISE!" a book for all friends by Genichrio Yagyu
<chawk> LOL Chro
<halo@home> DUDE I AM SO FUCKING GLAD I AM NOT A KID RIGHT NOW

<Ebony> Did anyone else realize that the media-dubbed "The War Against Terrorism" comes out as "TWAT"?

<IndianElvis>: I AM NOT TALKING LOUD I AM JUST USED TO THIS , I AM A COBOL PROGRAMMER

<cheerio> i like computers better than chicks cuz they will willingly accept my 3.5" floppy

<Jade> they should make a chinese scrabble
<Jade> you have 40000 tokens and they all spell words

<NiTro> i gonna go test for hiv
<NiTro> bbl
<Impolite> think positive

<FaNtAcIgYrL> ello
<jeff> Do you realise that you have spelt both the words "fantasy" and "girl" incorrectly ? By doing this, are you displaying a vain attempt at what some may refer to as "coolness" ? Or is it that you can not spell ? If the former, I suggest you rethink your stance on social status and its implications. The later, perhaps you should start attending school.

<NES> what?
<NES> the pope can’t have sex with ANYTHING?

<drunkers> u arab?
<Zelbinian> Nope.
<drunkers> good
<Zelbinian> Irish, French, and English.
<drunkers> geez
<drunkers> u moms a whore

<EazyCheez> I know this girl who is really hot and sweet, a Big Beautiful Woman… she makes my Captain stand at attention
<sqweak> hollywood lied
<sqweak> big is not beautiful
<EazyCheez> she’s 5′2 and 305 or something, but I don’t care… woo hoo she’s wild!
<TreeSquid> EazyCheez: HOLY FUCK
<sqweak> DEAR GOD MAN
<sqweak> that’s a fucking keg on legs!
<TreeSquid> that is disgusting, and you are a crazy piece of shit
<antivert> hungry hungry hippos!
<TreeSquid> don’t ever talk to me again
<TreeSquid> that’s just plain nasty
<sqweak> how the fuck do you squeeze 300 lbs into 5′2
<sqweak> thats like, 5 lbs an INCH!

<Kermee> SELECT * FROM {[chicks]} WHERE {[bust_size]} > 32C AND NOT {[is_fat_chick]} AND {[looks]} = Hot! AND NOT {([is_psych_student]} OR {[is_law-student]} OR {[is_commerce_student])} AND {[will_swallow]} = True AND {[has_own_cash]}
<Astatine> oh, good one
<Astatine> I think we’ve just made a SQL statement for the perfect woman
<Kermee> now if only there where such a table..

<_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 02:32min] Mary-kate & Ashley Olsen & Fri – Hugged by you
<_ry0suke_> THIS SONG REMINDS ME OF YOU GODEDRP
<godedrp>
<_ry0suke_> Select [128kbps 44100Hz 01:02min] Anal Cunt – Your kid commited suicide because you suck
<_ry0suke_> SO DOES THIS ONE STRANGELY

<shigelojoe>Y’know, the NAACP is always complaining about how black unemployment is up half the time
<shigelojoe>but if you think about it, the last time there were no unemployed black people in America, they didn’t have benefits to go with it
<shigelojoe>like freedom, for instance

(Bass_EXE): reminds me of this one time.. this girl said ‘HA! and what would you guys do without us women?!’ I just replied ‘domesticate another animal.’

<@arp> Importance: Normal
<@arp> INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE BY 1/4 INCH IN ONE WEEK!
<@arp> Guaranteed!!!!!!
<@arp> YAY!
<argoth> thanks for sharing
<j0ker> hell I can do that in a few seconds

<KevM> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<KevM> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it’s underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you’re fat.

<@NeoPhoenixTE> I see mispelling and faggotry go hand in hnad
<@NeoPhoenixTE> er
<@NeoPhoenixTE> hand
<@NeoPhoenixTE> HAND
<@NeoPhoenixTE> .. fuck

* Valvados pulls out a random Indiana joke
<Valvados> HEY
<Valvados> Why doesn’t Kentucky slide into Tennessee?
<Valvados> BECAUSE INDIANA SUCKS

<Hawkeye> Spiderman reminds me of adolesence. One day a teenage guy wakes up with muscles, hair in new places and the ability to spray white sticky goo around the house.

<AlpViper> apparantly my motherboard temp is 72 degrees
<AlpViper> is that bad
<Nom> farenheight or celcius ?
<Nom> if its celcius then yes, its bad
<AlpViper> oh dear

<maff> i know how to curb your childs videogame addiction
<maff> buy them a mac

<My`Albanian`Ass> dude, a fat chick from mcdonals brought me my food and she said ’sorry for the wait’ and i said ‘don’t worry you’ll lose it’ and she gave me a smirk :/

<Alipha> ..can you fax me some paper for my printer?

<Yusaku> "God dammit mom, why the fuck did you buy me an xbox?" "What, how can you tell?" "Well, that present under the Christmas tree is either a coffee table, or an xbox…I’m hoping it’s a coffee table."

<Spyro> Dude..
<Spyro> The other day, I was smoking some weed and got into the car to go and drop my sister off to the bus stop. I thought some prick stole my steering wheel….
<Spyro> But I was in the backseat

<cinnabar> tv rots the mind, destroys the imagination, promotes obsesity, and encourages commercialism.
<jazzstepa> its the american way

<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I’m an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don’t worry. It’s done

<Mohjo> your puny sacks cannot hold me
<Mohjo> … that made me sound like an overly large testicle

(mike): HEH, THIs Is AMuSINg
(mike): I Got a WiNAMP pLUgiN THAt BLInKS THE KEYboARD ledS tO THE MUSIc
(mike): BUT IT acTUALLY turNs THe CAPsLOcK On AND oFF iNSTEad OF JuST the
LIGHt

<JerryBeep> There are two kinds of jokes in the world: Jokes that people respond to by saying "lol" and funny jokes.
<melipompous> lol
<JerryBeep> You bastard.

<WillaCuz> shervin did u say u had a woman?
<shervin> WillaCuz: yeah but its losing pressure, i think it has a hole or something

Hambone on #ramen #gaydads4sons #noodles
<blazemore> ash
<blazemore> get out of that gay channel, now
*** Hambone (shazam@24.gate3.yokota.attmil.ne.jp) has left #ramen

<RevSlidey> a baby seal walks into a club

[01:03am] ·ct· last night
[01:03am] ·ct· my girlfriend walks out of the room to goto the bathroom
[01:03am] ·ct· and she walks back in
[01:03am] ·ct· and i start feeling her tits
[01:03am] ·ct· and she turns on the light
[01:03am] ·ct· and its not even her, its my mom
[01:03am] •Necro• …

<Xerox> STOP CONTROLLING MY MIND!
<DigiGnome> If I did that, you’d fall into a lifelss heap by your computer, and only be found days later when the neighbours get suspicious about the change of smell coming from your room.

<goltrpoat> ‘britney spears’ is an anagram for ‘presbyterians.’

<Atg[M]> Their latest album was going to be called " You are gay" and the cover was going to be a mirror.

<iggypop> i told my gf some shit when i was drunk, and now she’s like "you weren’t just saying that because you were drunk, were you?"
<iggypop> and i don’t have a fucking clue what i said

<FairLighT> you know something’s wrong when you have dreams about eating pudding and you wake up with a spoon in your ass

<meiscoole:#pc> my ethernet card isn’t lighting up and displaying physical connection. Any one have any idea why?
<munky:#pc> broke ethernet cable
<meiscoole:#pc> what is an ethernet cable?

<Zuwadza> "When all you’ve got is a penis, everything looks like an anus." – Japanese proverb

<Nor> i found my 1st grey pubic hair the other day
<Nor> It was in a BigMac

* @Lan plays with his privates.
<Rintaun> …
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat

<NintendoGuru> Yoda of Borg am I! Assimilated shall you be! Futile resistance is, hmm?

<spil0ink> is it pronounced live or live?
<Shit_Pifter> live
<spil0ink> thanks
<Shit_Pifter> np

<@harb> Sith are like the script kiddies of Force users.
<@harb> They all have silly handles.
<@harb> "Darth Maul", "Darth Sidious", "Darth Tyranous".
<@harb> "d00d ur most l33t l3tz g0 own sum j3di lol"
< mdxi> <ObiWan> Do not turn ot the Dark Side, Anakin
< mdxi> <an4k1n> STFU F4G
<@harb> <tyr4nous> d00d j0in m3 w3 c4n pwn 2gether!!
<@harb> <ObiWan> I’ll never join you, Dooku.
<@harb> <tyr4nous> suk

<depresso> Compaq FAQ: Where is the ANY Key? (FAQ2859)
<depresso> This is not a key. When you are instructed to press any key, this means you can press any of the keys on the keyboard (such as the Enter key, the R key, or the space bar).

<Phix> 70lbs of plutonium fell into san francisco bay off some ship or something
<Phix> did it cause any freak deformities?
<Phix> well, it is San Francisco

<niceboy19> i’m german
<Evilbert-> don’t worry i won’t mention the war
<niceboy19> what do you mean with that
<niceboy19> you just mentioned it
<Evilbert-> you started it
<niceboy19> i didn’t
<Evilbert-> Yes you did! You invaded Poland!

<doug-> moral dilemma: i just found a pak of 18 chicken legs in the deep freezer, however the label says ‘best if used by 06-12-01′…. do i cook it up for the kidz and avoid having to spend money on take out? i’m not all that hungry myself anyway =]
<Prozzy> I say go for it. If they die, at least you know.
<doug-> hmm, never actually thought about *death*, just figured on projectile diarrhea, etc… now insurance policies come into play… this could be a win-win-win-lose-win situation i have here

<ViolenceJack> i just became the escape goat and asked for it…
<Ecliptik> What’s an escape goat? Do you ride it?

<Uhh_Duh> And to all you virgins, THANKS FOR NOTHING!

<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he’s riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
 

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
(scroll down)
 

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You’re not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer…..
 

 
Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you’ll get the last question right….
Maybe.

Fourth Question:
Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, and 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

 
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn’t.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

He just has to open his mouth and ask…
It’s really very simple… Like you!
KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE